“Your I CAN is more important that your IQ”
– Robin Sharma
Remember that moment when you stepped back from an appointed task just because you’re unsure whether you could do that? Or the dreadful day when you were asked to go up a stage and present a seminar? The butterflies at the bottom pit of your stomach, the cold sweaty palms, shivering legs and quivering voice are all experienced by every one of us, at some point in our life. There are thousands or millions who still face the trouble. The lack of an important aspect every human should have in their mind and soul that helps him or her to overcome any obstacle thrown at them – we call it Self Confidence.
What is Self Confidence?
The confident demeanour of a person never means that he/she is confident in their win. That is a general misconception! Self-confidence is not being confident over win or failure but believing in yourself and not being concerned over win or failure.
A confident person believes in one’s ability and focuses on the enjoyment and lessons the experience gives. Willing to take a risk, to give it a try, to learn something new, a self-confident person finds the pavement to success easy.
The tendency to shrink themselves in times of crisis is something common among people who lack confidence. Developing a negative perspective, they doubt their abilities and does not feel like they can achieve the goals.
The energy and charisma that self-confident people have draw people in. The positive attitude that results in feeling good and knowing that your place in the world is important and meaningful can always be built up. Facing your fears, realizing your abilities, closing the door shut to negativity, one can always develop the posture of confidence into their life. One can always build self confidence for he/ she has the will to do it.
1. Say goodbye to negative thoughts; pave foundation to built self confidence
This is the hardest and the most effective step to build self confidence. The pessimistic inner voice of ours that screams “You can’t do it” “You’re useless” “You’re hopeless” are sometimes hard to ignore. The grip they have and the way they pull you to down is the reason why many are hesitant to step on to heights.
It may be reminders of past, dark memories one never wish to share, but the keyword TRY is something we all can imprint in our mind. The result we get from trying is not important. The satisfactory feel and the realization that you have indeed taken a step ahead of your negative thoughts is much much greater than winning in your try.
As Robin Sharma said in his The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari negative thoughts can easily be controlled by burying them under positive thoughts. Think of something pleasant or happy when the negativity creeps into your thoughts. Defeat them with roses!
2. Wear a smile and lock your eyes
Strive yourself a neat and calm posture. The style and aura you carry around not only make you confident but also gives others the impression that you’re confident. One of the greatest tips one can give another is SMILE. A smile can do wonders. It makes you feel better and at the same time, makes others comfortable around you.
The next is maintaining eye contact and talking slowly when in a conversation with another. This is something that every person with low self-esteem fails in! A person who talks fast and who looks away in the midst of conversations just gives the impression of his low confidence and tendency to end it all and sink back into his cocoon. Overcoming this helps to build self confidence.
3. Facial Feedback Theory
A smile can not only be given to others on the way but also to yourself standing in front of a mirror. This is where the concept of facial feedback theory comes. Science says that the expressions on your face encourage your brain. Charles Darwin was the first to suggest it. He said,
“Even the simulation of an emotion tends to arouse it in our mind” – Charles Darwin.
The facial feedback hypothesis is an effective tip to built self confidence. The encouragement you have on your face (for yourself) is the greatest booster ever!
4. Give yourself a pat on the back
Believe in yourself, take pride in yourself! That’s the motto! One should find their own way in identifying their talents and being confident in their abilities. Taking compliments from others are necessary but giving yourself a pat is equally important! Sometimes you are your greatest encourager.
5. Confront your fear
“Decide that you want it more than you’re afraid of it”
– Bill Cosby
Confronting fears are hard. You need to know what fear is and how it controls you. A student who faces stage fear will definitely find it difficult to go up a stage and present a seminar. He/she might turn back to their classmates. There would be times when the student would stammer in front of the audience or storm out of the stage after an abrupt thank you! But that’s okay! The courage the student showed to face fear should be appreciated.
Confronting your fears is difficult! But always remember – what’s to be feared is fear itself!
FEAR can have two full forms. One is Forget Everything And Run. The other is Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours!
Facing all of your insecurities in a day is impossible. It’s okay to retreat first. But make sure that it’s to hit back stronger. After all, a sea does retreat back for stronger waves! Hit back like sea and remove fear from your subconscious mind.
6. Stop comparing yourself to others
Life is short! Enjoy it without wasting time in comparing that with others. The first thing one should set in their mind is that there is always someone in this world who is better than them! Retreating yourself and hiding inside your cocoon just because you cannot face people, who do better than you, is the stupidest move of your life!
One always sees the positive side of others’ lives. Maybe because that’s what everyone present outside. But always remember that everyone has their own ups and downs. Nobody is perfect! Nobody is perfectly happy! So instead of wasting time in comparing yourself with others, be happy and believe in what you do! Because the feeling you get when you tried or achieved something that you never thought you could do is much greater than the happy life everyone around you presents!
7. Set small guidelines
Often people set unattainable goals and get depressed when they realize that they would never make it. Being confident never mean to take a leap to the huge risk of your life! Start with small steps.
If you want to score well on your final exams, don’t go trying to learn everything in one single day. Try with the simplest chapters. Set a time to complete those and make sure you stick on to that. In the midst, motivate yourself to work hard and keep yourself on track. If you do that easily, go for a slightly more packed timetable.
It’s easy to build self confidence. But only a few succeed. Is it the fear of being judged or the anxiety over a win, but people always tend to stay back in their shell of insecurities! Pushing away the negative thoughts and confront all your fears are difficult, I agree. But one can always cry the word TRY. Those three letters could be a great miracle.
‘Cause one who tries
He always flies!